


Alex Jones vs the world

by decipherbillcipher



Category: Infowars - Fandom
Genre: M/M, They're putting stuff in the water to make the freaking frogs gay!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:53:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21747067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decipherbillcipher/pseuds/decipherbillcipher
Summary: Hi.
Relationships: Alex Jones/the gay frogs
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Alex Jones vs the world

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck you I hate all of you!

On a nice sunny day our lovable scamp of a chonker Alex Jones was walking through the park commiting his daily deeds such as protesting negroes being allowed to breath air Caucasian children could come into contact with and also the rampant rise of gay homofaggotry.(which he did NOT want in on because he was a straight white male!)

It takes a lot of work hating every living thing because of your gross microsiphallic peni- I mean the word of the Lord! But someone had to do it. Thankfully one true Christian man was willing to do it.

While spewing his facts on whatever site hadn't banned his porky fat "heterosexual" ass he came across something that angered him, ya see he dropped his Christian Bible near a lake in the park and he came across a frog. But then something horrible happened another frog of the same gender landed on the frogs lillypad! Alex frantically started sweating, his face turned red like it does when he gets righteously angry while he was waiting for one of them to say "no homo." So it wouldn't be gay! To his astonishment that did not happen. They just stood there. One eventually let out a croak, Alex was furious! How dare they utter whatever homosexual jibber jabber that was at him! Do they know who he is! HE'S ALEX MOTHERFUCKING JONES!!!! He knew he had to do something to put these sinners on the path of righteousness, but he just could not think of anything so he tried screeching his normal brand of "facts" and "logic"(this mostly consisted of him reeeeeeeeeing about liberals and shitting his pants)

That didn't work, it was almost as if god did not want some fat, racist, washed up, mentally unstable, radiohost from buttfuck nowhere protesting his warped perception of how the world should work. So he did what anyone would do when confronted by such a thing. He prayed as loudly, obnoxiously and antagonistically as possible. Now some people would argue this was pointless since it's a frog. BUT THEY WEREN'T ALEX MOTHERFUCKING JONES BABY,YEAH!!!

then a miracle happened.

God had a plan.

Alex understood what the Lord obviously wanted him to do, if the frog wouldn't be a proud straight christian american frog then Alex would have to show it the way. By brutally raping it. 

It's not gay if it's for god.

He immediately pulled his shit stained pants down and whipped out his shriveled small veiny penis. The frog croaked in fear not understanding anything about what was about to happen. Alex shoved his penis into the gay frog. It kept on letting out various noises of pain and tried it tried to use it's slimey texture to slip away but thankfully the righteous strength of Alex Jones was just enough to keep it right where it belongs. On a fat losers unwashed tiny penis. 

Alex found himself enjoying this. The tight slimey feel of the frogs hole as he slid it up and down his righteous Christian cock, it just felt so good, it was at that moment Alex knew god truly must have approved of his actions. Why else would it feel so good? Alex was a perfectly normal white Christian man, so this could be the only explanation for why it felt so good. He continued rutting into the frog, far harder then anything he'd ever humped and with a mighty Christian roar he came. Buckets and buckets of cum splurged from his cock and filled the poor frog. Who had stopped moving. Alex dropped the poor thing back in the lake and looked on at the sun. His work was done.

Then, he heard Snickers. People were laughing at his righteous holy act! How dare they! He eventually saw some people at the park on the other side of the lake either pointing and laughing at him for being a dumbass or hiding in fear from what they saw.

Alex wouldn't stand for this! He was ALEX FUCKING JONES BABY!

he immediately pulled up his trowsers and waddled up to the crowd.

"Now listen here you little shits-"he then went into his usual bullshit rant about liberals furries(for some reason he spent twenty minutes ranting about how wanting to fuck rouge the bat from Sonic didn't make you a fucking furry?) and anything else he made up after Fred Phelps rejected his spicy(heterosexual) love letters.

In the following weeks things changed.

And by that we mean absolutely fucking nothing cuanged since Alex does something like this every other day. The frog actually survived and was returned to a natural habitat way from certain dangers. 

Alex however used this as an epiphany. He would stop the frogs from being gay by rpaing all of them in the name of Jesus.

In his name. Amen.

MONTHS LATER:  
Also one of the frogs he raped got impregnated since it was a female(don't worry alex preaches that since it's a female she automatically wanted it. So that makes okay in his mind) after all. The poor frog gave birth to that frog bitch from my hero academia. 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> This was fun, we had fun today.


End file.
